To Pee or Not to Pee (Standing Up)
December 28th, 2009 | by Nathan | Published in Miscellany | 6 Comments
foto courtesy of Matthew Romack www.stoichiometryphotography.com
Over the weekend, we excursioned out to Pound Ridge, N.Y., to meet some old friends in from Cleveland. Among the usual sports of child-gawking and midday beer-drinking, there was this conversation:
Our friends are raising a son who is almost 2. Now that potty training is on the horizon, they let it be known that they don’t plan to let him pee standing up in their bathroom. Not just during potty training, but forever. That’s right, he’s got to sit until he’s 18. Outside of the home, he can do what he wants, but not under their roof.
Some more information: they are both women. Yes, they are sapphists, and also excellent parents. And if any of you don’t think it’s a scandal that my home state of Florida does not trust teh gays to raise children, let me direct your attention to merely the latest evidence of the complete inability of heterosexuals to raise their children without breaking the laws of God and man.
However, it can be said that in our friends’ household, there is not much understanding of, or tolerance for, the joys of peeing standing up. They are simply worried about splash and clean-up. But as the men in the room at Pound Ridge tried to explain, peeing while vertical is important. It’s one of the great advantages of the Y chromosome. It makes life infinitely more convenient. It makes tailgating possible. It makes up for the tragic fact that we can’t bear children, yadda yadda.
Actually, I can think of another reason why our friends would do well to reconsider their anti-standing stance: it could make it harder to potty-train their boy. Boys are notoriously behind the curve when it comes to ditching the diaper. True, sitting is recommended by many during the initial training, but afterward you’ll still have to entice the boy to pee before going out of the house, etc. As this NPR report on the history of the urinal fly makes clear, men of all ages get a sort of primal satisfaction from peeing at a target. Thus, the advent of the toddler toilet target industry, with new products like Piddlers, My Wee Friend, Tinkle Targets, and, of course, Wee Wee Pals. Why deprive yourselves of such twee allies in the War on Diapers?
December 28th, 2009at 9:00 pm(#)
No no no! Let him stand and do the target practice or he’ll never cope in a men’s room!
December 29th, 2009at 10:47 pm(#)
When I met my guy, some 15 years ago, I was shocked to discover that he sits to pee. His simple explaination? When he moved away from home into shared accommodations he had to take a turn cleaning the bathroom and he decided that, at home and in other homes with clean toilets, he could quite happily sit to avoid the splash. Flash back to my childhood of five females and one dad dude, I can’t tell you how many midnight runs to the toilet resulted in us girls hitting the ice cold porcelain (or worse, disgusting toilet water) because that one guy could not remember to put the seat down after use … And with thoughts of that splash, I still shudder).
Flash forward. We now have 2 girls, 5 & 6, and one toilet trained 2.5 yr old. He sits to pee at home, no problem. He learns about that super power of peeing while standing when appropriate: emergencies curbside, garden watering mid-spring to mid-fall, and of course public toilets and heads. And the girls? When I lived in a village in Asia I learned the joys of the squat toilets. In nastier bathrooms my girls learn to lift the seat with a toe, hop up on, squat and let it fly. Into the bowl, of course. Where the stuff belongs.
To your friends, I *and* my husband say, all right! Smart move for domestic peace and cleanliness! And if one day this kid needs to prove his masculinity (highly unlikely, I recently read that kids raised in same sex households are pretty secure in their identity) by taking aim, hand him that rag and cleaning product.
December 29th, 2009at 11:15 pm(#)
That sounds pretty acrobatic, what you’ve got your girls doing in public toilets, Karen. I guess Dalia is a little young for that kind of squat-balance. But yes, I’ve been hearing from a lot of guys who are admitting to peeing sitting down. I just don’t know if they’re motivated by cleanliness or laziness.
And I suppose I’m all for the parents making the decisions in general: happy parents make happy kids, I say.
December 30th, 2009at 10:36 am(#)
The sitting notwithstanding, I don’t see how that can be said to exhibit laziness. It is far quicker and easier to unzip and take care of business standing up. I pee sitting down at home because it is by far more sanitary. I do it in the communal rest room at work, too, since the seats are generally free of splatter. It’s one thing to pee standing up, and yet a whole beastly misanthropic other thing to pee standing up with the seat down. Laziness is the least of what’s wrong with that.
I suppose I do, actually, sit out of laziness — I hate to clean.
I’m heartened by Karen’s report of her son’s successful adjustment.
November 1st, 2010at 8:50 am(#)
I am a gay male in a same-sex relationship and have always supported all LGBT issues. Now having read this I wonder if I should? First if I knew the identity of the lesbian couple I would make every effort that whatever social services, state agencies or other were notified. Regardless of how well cared for the child is or how loving the moms are this is wrong. This is in part one of the so called “REASONS” same-sex couples should not raise children. With lesbian couples they have no understanding of men, boys or male self/identity. That alone would be fine if they did not then endeavor to change the boys natural and appropriate inclination to urinate standing. This reminds me of the idiot feminist in Sweden that wanted all urinals removed from the university campus. The reason was to reduce urine splash and improve hygiene , sounds like the lesbian couple might be on to something after all. But more telling is the claim: “”because a man standing up to urinate is deemed to be triumphing in his masculinity, and by extension, degrading women.”" One argument is that if women can’t do it, then men shouldn’t either. Another is that standing upright while relieving oneself is “a nasty macho gesture,” suggestive of male violence.” I imagine the lesbians just have a problem with some elements of typical male behavior. So why would they want to raise a male child? Other than to screw up his gender identity. They probable will want him to sit with his legs closed. I think that is another screwed up group “No Man-Sitting”. Lastly, having read this I have decided for the FIRST TIME EVER to VOTE for the Republican party they at least have traditional values and I think a understanding and acceptance of appropriate gender identity.