In an effort to keep up on what’s going on with daddyhood around the world, I recently signed up for a Google News alert on “father or dad.” The links that stream in daily are a stunning array of tragedy, comedy, tragicomedy and mystery. A brief summary:

• Van Morrison is a father again—at the age of 64. And apparently, George Ivan Morrison III bears a frightening resemblance to his pop-star pop. Meanwhile, Diego Maradona, the 49-year-old Argentine football soccer legend, is set to do the same thing, according to the ultimate source for Latin American football soccer news, DNAIndia.com.

• In Orange County, California, a teenage girl argued with her father, then moments later was struck and killed by a freight train. The incident is being investigated as an accident, but elsewhere there are no accidents: In England, a father gunned down his 4-year-old daughter and his girlfriend, then killed himself. He “was a very violent and temperamental man,” according to an insightful family friend. In Broward County, Florida, a man allegedly abducted his son and fled on a sailboat (whee!), and in Rockland, Maine, a dad was given 16 years in prison for killing his 2-month-old daughter. “[Expletive] murderer! [Expletive] murderer!” someone shouted at the sentencing. And in Sydney, Australia, a dad pulled a twofer, allegedly killing both his 77-year-old father and his 12-year-old neighbor. When police approached him, he set himself on fire.

• But not all dads are bad today! No, some are victims: In Denver, a pit bull attacked a father and daughter (they’re okay), and in Forest County, Wisconsin, a father saved his 17-year-old daughter’s life after their utility vehicle fell through thin ice. Alas, he drowned.

• There’s even good news about good dads! Here in New York, the Fire Department is promoting a father and son at the same time! And in Darby Township (wherever that is), a father who’d gone to prison in 1999 was reunited for Christmas with his daughter, whom he hadn’t seen in 13 years—thanks to Facebook.

• Finally, there is a mystery: Who is the late Brittany Murphy’s father? Her death certificate says “Unknown.” Van Morrison, is there something you’d like to tell us about this brown-eyed girl?