Comments on: They Never Asked to Be Born http://www.dadwagon.com/2009/12/31/they-never-asked-to-be-born/ Thu, 09 Sep 2010 15:02:38 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Around the way girl | DADWAGON http://www.dadwagon.com/2009/12/31/they-never-asked-to-be-born/comment-page-1/#comment-340 Around the way girl | DADWAGON Wed, 20 Jan 2010 19:31:41 +0000 http://www.dadwagon.com/?p=2153#comment-340 [...] a deep bench of books I no longer have time to read by authors like Roberto Bolaño and the like, I suppose I shouldn’t feel bad about not having read this book yet. But Motoko [...] [...] a deep bench of books I no longer have time to read by authors like Roberto Bolaño and the like, I suppose I shouldn’t feel bad about not having read this book yet. But Motoko [...]

]]> By: yukio http://www.dadwagon.com/2009/12/31/they-never-asked-to-be-born/comment-page-1/#comment-327 yukio Tue, 19 Jan 2010 07:19:17 +0000 http://www.dadwagon.com/?p=2153#comment-327 If one feels the need to prepare for "betrayal" - which may or may not come... it follows that we should prepare for illnesses, cancer, surgeries and our certain demise. The time spent agonizing over calamities that may or may not come is a shameful waste. Doom and disappointment doesn't need thoughtful advance preparation. Preparation for "wonder and discovery" instead requires less work. Real betrayal requires a 2-party contract - why do we need shackle these "visitors" anyhow? Who thinks that the thoroughly "obedient" clone of the parent is the ultimate creation? Abandonment, also, cannot occur without a 2-party Agreement. Does your Contract include the part where you die and ditch the kid/s? Is a life with guarantees for unstinting fealty, loyalty, respect, adulation, obeisance, from our kids - free of inexplicabilities, disagreements, and challenges tolerable for more than a month or so? Is it perfidia if your kid comes to know that you expect it of them and then delivers according to expectations? If one feels the need to prepare for “betrayal” – which may or may not come…
it follows that we should prepare for illnesses, cancer, surgeries and our certain demise.

The time spent agonizing over calamities that may or may not come is a shameful waste. Doom and disappointment doesn’t need thoughtful advance preparation. Preparation for “wonder and discovery” instead requires less work.

Real betrayal requires a 2-party contract – why do we need shackle these “visitors” anyhow?

Who thinks that the thoroughly “obedient” clone of the parent is the ultimate creation?

Abandonment, also, cannot occur without a 2-party Agreement. Does your Contract include the part where you die and ditch the kid/s?

Is a life with guarantees for unstinting fealty, loyalty, respect, adulation, obeisance, from our kids – free of inexplicabilities, disagreements, and challenges tolerable for more than a month or so?

Is it perfidia if your kid comes to know that you expect it of them and then delivers according to expectations?

]]> By: dave de noia http://www.dadwagon.com/2009/12/31/they-never-asked-to-be-born/comment-page-1/#comment-220 dave de noia Tue, 05 Jan 2010 19:19:12 +0000 http://www.dadwagon.com/?p=2153#comment-220 dude, good post. very existential. i like that. dude, good post. very existential. i like that.

]]> By: Ellen M http://www.dadwagon.com/2009/12/31/they-never-asked-to-be-born/comment-page-1/#comment-197 Ellen M Thu, 31 Dec 2009 15:46:21 +0000 http://www.dadwagon.com/?p=2153#comment-197 One of the most surprising things about becoming a parent this year was just how fast my son became his own person. I know he needs me -- to feed him, to get him from here to there, to make the decisions about how many times a toy can be dropped on the floor before it needs to be cleaned off -- and is attached to me in a way that might someday be called love, but he's really the star of his own show already. Which is how it should be, or at least, how it is, but in a way it makes it a little easier to think about that future independence. It starts almost right away, and if you can accept that, maybe it doesn't feel so much like betrayal. Maybe. One of the most surprising things about becoming a parent this year was just how fast my son became his own person. I know he needs me — to feed him, to get him from here to there, to make the decisions about how many times a toy can be dropped on the floor before it needs to be cleaned off — and is attached to me in a way that might someday be called love, but he’s really the star of his own show already. Which is how it should be, or at least, how it is, but in a way it makes it a little easier to think about that future independence. It starts almost right away, and if you can accept that, maybe it doesn’t feel so much like betrayal. Maybe.

]]>