(This is our second run of “The Tantrum,” in which each of our four regulars will address one subject over the course of a week. Previous Tantrum: TV or not TV?)

With all due respect to my learned colleagues Matt, Nathan, and Christopher, I have to say that this Tantrum (I’m holding my breath and stamping my foot as I write this) strikes me as a bit daft.

Unlike Chris, I simply can’t imagine a scenario in which I “ought” to call the Feds on young JP. Nor do I agree with Matt’s fallacy of comparison in which he associates joyriding in his parents fucking Tercel with a foiled international terrorist plot. As for Nathan’s take on this, well, I find his reference to Dan Savage admirably progressive, but ultimately unpersuasive (dildos, yes; santorum, most definitely; CIA policy, not so much).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that this terrorist attack, if that was what it was (who knows what this guy was up to), doesn’t provoke thoughts about my son in the way that we are positing it. I am more of the, “gee I hope my kid doesn’t die in a terrorist attack” paranoid type, than the “gee, what do I do if lil’ Johnny up and joins the Intifadah” sort.

Know what I mean, Vern?

That said, he did whack the cat on the ass this morning, turn to me and smile devilishly, and then whisper, “I’m the BAD GUY.”

I got my eye on that kid.