DADWAGON

Yes, of course I know that gender stereotyping in young people is bad for their development. I’m a sensitive, progressive, up on the new trends in parenting kind of guy.

Thus it pains me that when JP was pushing a year, I was adamantly opposed to keeping his hair long. My issue with it was simple and awful–with long hair, everyone thought he was a girl and that, despite my 21st century dad street cred, bothered me.

I didn’t wanted him dressed in pink. I wasn’t okay with ambiguity about his sex. I wanted him to dunk, beat his wife, and drive a fucking pickup.

I knew it was wrong, but there it was. Everytime someone asked me on the street about how old my daughter was, it made my skin crawl, which them made me feel guilty, which then made me beat the dog (just kidding, my ex-wife).

Fact is, even now, I’m still not okay with it. And that despite the fact that I think I would have no problem with him coming home someday and telling me he was gay. So long as he doesn’t wear a dress, so be it, apparently.

Parenting makes you realize what a total fuck-up you are (or at least it does me).

Last bit: I would like all readers of this blog post to put aside all the issues contained within this post and take a moment–perhaps draw a deep, soul-replenishing breath–and consider the wonderful horror that is the portrait of Marilyn Manson used above.

The internet is a mystery of great depth.