Parents! The disposable-diaper world has been rocked by controversy!

Right now, Pampers is rolling out an improvement to its products, calling its Dry Max technology a revolutionary change in pee-sopping. (Briefly: More liquid-absorbing gel inside, and less papery pulp, creating a thinner diaper.) Ad Age reports that a small minority of consumers have been making a large majority of a stink over this, and goes on to note that one guy has commented on 75 sites, trashing this new product. Apparently he and a few other parents are finding the new diapers stiff and leaky.

In the meantime, Pampers has gone merrily on its marketing push, signing up a bunch of Olympic athletes in order to emphasize the product’s high-performance aspects. Or, as a corporate veep from Procter & Gamble puts it, “Pampers is delighted to give all babies the chance to be awarded for their everyday medal-worthy performance.” Those endorsers get special “U.S.A.”-printed diapers for their kids. Not available in retail stores, even.

I think P&G’s only mistake here was not to play these two situations off one another. You, Mr. Commenter With a Mission? You’re trashing our new diapers, spreading bad word of mouth around the Internet? Are you aware that America’s Olympic athletes use these, and that some of our diapers are even printed with the sacred name of our nation? You, sir, hate America. And until you start wrapping your child’s nether parts in our products, the terrorists have won.

(N.B.: For the record, my wife and I are even more un-American. We buy those unbleached Seventh Generation diapers, which are probably part of a Communist plot.)