Proven: Listening to Mozart has been proven to slightly improve spatial intelligence among college students.
Proven: Babies are known to respond to music heard in the womb–that is, they can hear, and they swim around a bit.
Not proven: Babies gain anything from listening to music.
Also not proven: Classical music does more than any other genre.
Really, truly, not proven: Pointing a speaker at your gravid belly is going to do a damn thing for your child’s future.
Really, truly, just plain silly: Spending $127 to jack your iPod output directly into the contents of your blossoming uterus.
This product is called the Nuvo Ritmo [rhymes with Gitmo] Pregnancy Sound System, and consists of four tiny flat speakers snugly encased in elastic. Wrap it around the oven encasing one’s bun, switch on the Jupiter Symphony, and start putting cash in that 529 account.
Proven: The insane desire to give a child any microscopic edge on the road to Harvard–however illusory, however likely to produce an over-programmed and hyper-achieving and anxious teenager, however flat-out pretentious–can be exploited in ways you’d never think of.
Christopher, since we share the same name I’m going to give you some free advice. In the parental blogging world what you’re supposed to do is be noncommittal towards the product. Then you suggest the product “might” be beneficial to our crotchfruit while in utero. All of a sudden you’ll have thousands of grape peeling Mom’s following your every word. Ad revenues to follow.
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