DADWAGON

Must admit, of the four Dadwagoneers on this site, I’m most likely the least committed daddy-shopper. Now, I’m not entirely unaffected by the rigorous ministrations of the ad-monkeys running this planet. I, like everyone else, am deeply moved at the sight of a girl doll with a “willie na na” (a technical term); and who doesn’t see the obvious charm of a smellable truck made from “Sprigwood,” which apparently, according to Celebrity Babies, is “a blend of recycled plastic and wood” that smells like “sawdust.” Nice!

But some products just strike me as wrong in rather subtle ways. First: I have no particular animal-rights inclinations, although I do have a dog and a cat (Frankie and Henry). If someone wants to wear the hair-covering of the cute, fuzzy animal trapped in a metal cage as shown above, please do. There are worse things.

But a napmink? Let me explain. Here we have a nap mat to be used on the floor, designed to be reminiscent of a mink throw. Yes, it’s only produced with “minky” substances and not the real stuff (for that I have a guy in the business; let me know, I’ll give him a ring-a-ding. NOTE: to be read with kitsch Yiddish accent), and yes they do provide “the plushest experience in napping.”

But still. That just ain’t right. It’s enough to make me want to turn vegetarian and start buying only expensive cheap self-congratulatory envirotoys.

Well, not quite.