Beyond Skype: What’s a Distance Parent to Do?
March 8th, 2010 | by Matt | Published in Actual Advice | 2 Comments
The first time your baby says “Daddy” can be confusing: Did she really just say that, or was it an accidental babble? Did she actually know what she was saying? Does she know I’m Daddy, or is that what she’s calling everyone? Eventually, you know, the kid will figure it out, but if you’re a neurotic idiot like me, it can be hard to bask in the initial glow.
But the first time your kid says “Daddy” in a Skype video chat, well, that’s something else. And that’s what happened Sunday night: I’m here in Rome this week on assignment, and during a Skype call home Sasha, who’s got a fever and her first-ever green-snot runny nose, pointed at the screen—at me!—and said, “Baba.” Then she said it again—very cool.
Still, I’m left with a feeling of disappointment—not because of Sasha but because of how we’re communicating. Skype has emerged as the long-distance parenting tool of choice, recommended by mainstream-media columnists and hundreds of Websites. According to Motherlode, it’s even making inroads in the legal world, where states are enacting “virtual visitation” laws, “authorizing judges to include e-mail, instant messaging, Web cams and other evolving tools of the internet to keep non-custodial parents in touch with their children.”
But it’s still a cold medium, especially since Sasha’s just 15 months old. There’s not for her to do besides point and say “Baba!” And there’s not much for me to do besides say her name and play peekaboo. I can’t wipe her face, feed her dinner, or change her diaper. In fact, our conversation ended when Jean wrinkled her nose, checked Sasha’s pants and yelled, “Poop!”
Of course, at 15 months old, Sasha’s not a very sophisticated conversation partner anyway. But I’m looking at the future—these trips of mine are not likely to stop anytime soon. What am I going to do?
DistanceParent.org has some pretty good ideas: read a book, play a game, share pictures. And later this week I’ll be testing a new Website, Readeo.com, whose pitch is awful—”Take one part video chat, add the best children’s books, throw in a pinch of pixie dust”—but which may actually be useful. But what else am I missing? Are there other things Sasha and I can do via Skype that are, well, more satisfying? (Oh, man, that sounds bad, doesn’t it?)
March 8th, 2010at 8:54 pm(#)
My son was living with his dad when he was learning to read. Reading was a struggle to him – let alone forming words. They worked on a few words in school and that day he came home and typed them for the first time – dog and god. I kept the screenprint. Seeing his first real typed words was a milestone, as out of the ordinary as it is.
Colder than in-person though it may be, online visitation is a lifeline for kids and parents that are separated by distance. I’m going to try that website too… they must be making the rounds!
March 13th, 2010at 8:36 am(#)
Being away from the kids, especially when they are so small, is a rough deal. Skype would almost be like a mirage of sorts.
Still, as a non-custodial whose 3 boys live in the upper Midwest while I’m stuck in Houston, I keep trying to get my ex-wife to let me use Skype. Being very restrictive in giving me access to the kids, she refuses to allow it. So the info about it being included in court orders is something I’m going to look into that when I have the orders modified. Thanks for the tip.