DADWAGON

Popularity of the name Aidan throughout the 20th century.

Okay, this is unscientific almost to the point of being Gladwellian, but I’ve noticed a lot of crazy names written under the pictures of schoolkids in my meanderings through the pre-K and kindergarten classrooms of the New York public schools.

Sometimes I wish we weren’t all so predictable, but in my small sample, the three major ethnic groups populating Upper Manhattan seem to be in a race to prove that, as Denny Green said, they are who we thought they were.

White people: Wow, you really do name your kids Aiden and Addison. I appreciate that yuppies have turned away from Mary and James and such. But it appears that even in the race for creativity, the most empowered majority group to maybe ever walk this planet—the White American—still struggles to avoid hivemind.

Black people: Armani makes a nice suit, but a dubious first name (yes, it was there on one pre-K picture-wall). Years ago, I spent some time in the East Harlem classroom taught by a friend of mine. The big thing then were names with Asia in it, like DeAsia—or just Asia. Not that anybody is looking for my approval, but I liked those names. One name I saw twice in pre-K classes last month that I don’t like so much: Hennessy. I know now from the Internet that it is a Celtic name that means “descendant of Angus.” But something tells me that this Hennessy was more the aspirational, VSOP kind.

Caribbean people: I try to understand. When I lived in Cuba, I knew a girl named Janeeyre (pronounced ha-neh-eh-reh). One of the bravest blogs in the world, Generación Y, is named in honor of all the Cubans with Y-names like “Yanisleidi, Yoandri, Yusimí, Yuniesky.” I was pretty sure Generation Y was a thing of the ’70s, but those caribeño compound names are alive and well in Manhattan pre-K classes: Marisleysis, Dileisy, and even the adverbial Eddily. Props to my friend Alvaro who, when I asked him about it last week, had a joke ready to tell:

Teacher to student: “You’re lazy.”

Student to teacher: “No, my name is Yudelka. That girl over there is Yurleisy.”

Enough said.