These guys: The future of magazines.

Gourmet has gone under, Bon Appetit is hanging on for dear life, and the TV Food Network has turned into the all-travelogue channel, with barely any actual cooking instruction taking place. But never fear: The Stupid-Magazine specialists have leapt into action, and we will shortly all be introduced to Deen Bros., the cooking magazine for men. MEN, dammit, who aren’t afraid to incinerate a pork chop on the backyard grill. Being the principal cook in our household–and a man with neither backyard nor grill–I call bullshit, on three principal points:

1) I was not aware until now that cooking instruction was gender-specific. All this time I was working off Cook’s Illustrated and my old food-flecked copies of  Julia Child; turns out I may as well have been wearing a frilly lace dress and skipping rope.

2) I also thought that Paula Deen, the charming if slightly crazy-eyed southern-cooking specialist on the Food Network, was a pretty minor success. Apparently she and her buttery pie crusts are a smash, though, because these two guys are her sons, who appear on her show. That’s right: Even two bit players on a basic-cable cooking program can now get their own magazine. This speaks loud and clear about the state of the publishing business. (I should point out here that three of the four Dadwagoneers work for major magazines with lofty editorial ambitions, and all three of said magazines are laying people off and/or running in the red.)

3) I haven’t seen a copy, and I am jumping to conclusions here. But I have a very strong feeling that its first issue will have a big section on dry rubs, and will include the phrases “fire up the grill” and “comfort food” at least four times.  There will be virtually no baked goods, vegetarian options, or anything involving bok choy.