Last week I went to 112th and Lennox in West Harlem to see the universal pre-K program at P.S. 185.
I’ve been looking at pre-K programs throughout uptown Manhattan ever since we discovered that we were too poor for private school but too rich for Head Start. It’s been a frustrating process; as I’ve written before, underfunding has left just 406 spots in District 3, which covers the Upper West Side and West Harlem. Some schools have ten applicants for every spot. Siblings get first priority; the rest get in (or not) through a lottery.
At least one school wouldn’t even give us a tour because the odds are so long. Our zoned school isn’t doing pre-K at all this year. The next closest school is just three blocks away, but when I visited, I found the classrooms cluttered and chaotic, with a computer video blaring in one corner while kids tried to play/work elsewhere. But even there we would have little chance of winning a spot for our daughter.
P.S. 185 was completely different. Monika Vargas, the parent coordinator, was welcoming, even solicitous. The classrooms were spacious and uncluttered. The kids were wonderfully calm and attentive as their teacher read a book to them. After the tour, Monika said the school always had a few spots open, and she all but guaranteed us a place for Dalia if we filled out an application and ranked them no. 1 right then.
But I hesitated. I left without filling out an application. I still don’t know if we’re going to apply to the school at all. Why? Because every single one of the kids in both pre-K classes is black. And Dalia (as you might know) is not.
I know, I know. Harlem schools have black students: not shocking. But still I wasn’t prepared for Dalia to potentially be the only kid who wasn’t black. And even though America has been magically postracial for 415 days since Inauguration Day, I’m still not sure what to think about the idea.
[Let’s break here for my humble rendition of the “Some of my best friends are black” disclaimer that white people like to use before talking about race: Actually, none of my Best Friends are black. I suppose a couple of the next tier—the Very Good Friends—are. It is also true that my aunt is black, as are my (half-white) cousins, although family is family and not really divided by race, especially in this past year, when my uncle was killed on his motorcycle by a fucking scatterbrained soccer mom driving a Honda Odyssey and all of us who survived him ceased being black or white for a while and were just identically useless and heartbroken and angry. Now that shit is postracial.]
Here’s one reason why sending my girl—who is equal parts Mexican, Jewish, Japanese and German (she’s pale, if not exactly white)—into an all-black classroom could be problematic. Four-year-olds are just programmed to be blunt about differences. Dalia has never really asked her mom or me about skin color, but she does ask loudly why that man has no legs, or if the “fat woman” is going into the same store as us. Her school this year is mostly white kids with some Asian and Hispanic kids; she’ll notice the change and she’ll ask loud questions about it. The other kids will ask their own loud questions of her and about her. Children are innocent, but not ignorant (that’s why it’s a bad idea to feign colorblindness).
But will those questions ever go beyond curiosity and become something that keeps Dalia from feeling like she truly belongs with the group? I don’t know. Would a black 4-year-old girl feel like she had more in common with Dalia (another girl) than with a black boy in the class? Seems reasonable.
Another confounding variable is black Harlem’s own diversity. I say that the both classes were all black, but I just saw their faces. I have no idea if those kids were born in Harlem or in Haiti, if they’re from the South or from Senegal. The one other parent I met in my brief time there was from the Ivory Coast. Some of the kids could have been Hispanic, which would again give Dalia something in common with them (the Spanish language) that might trump any difference in skin color. Same goes with socioeconomic status: Harlem is financially diverse, and the school might be as well.
I could be analyzing it too much. After all, I imagine that a lot of black people (not just Michael Steele) often find themselves alone in a roomful of white people. In theory, reversing those roles should be a good thing. But that’s a heavy trip to lay on a 4-year-old. I dream of a world where color doesn’t really matter, but Dalia is going to have to go to school in the real world, and I don’t want her to have to pay for my daydreams.
By the same token, it’s just a year, even if it doesn’t work out perfectly. And it certainly could be a positive thing, getting exposure to kids who are (at least in superficial ways) different from her. And the school’s next group may just naturally be more diverse—I ran into a Filipino-American mom who was also in love with the school, and considering putting her kid there. Maybe Dalia wouldn’t have to break the color barrier alone, though we wouldn’t know until they hand out assignments in the summer.
So, readers, what would you do?
UPDATE: On rereading this post this morning, I realized I made it sound as if this were there perfect school, just the wrong color. Actually, one aspect of the pedagogy didn’t quite agree with me: the curriculum seemed pretty rigid. All the 4- and 5-year-olds wore uniforms. They learned writing through practicing writing, same with numbers. They were assigned homework. It was the least progressive of all the schools I visited, though that’s not necessarily a deal-breaker in and of itself. Oh, and that Filipina mom? She said she might put her kid there if she could get at least one or two other other friends who weren’t black to enroll with her. So that’s unclear still…
I think it really depends on how the teachers handle the students (if you can seriously call 4-year-olds students). And if most of the kids are filtering in from a relatively level economic playing field, then I imagine the atmosphere will be conducive to learning about and respecting those of another color.
As I’ve witnessed, kids are so much less interested in discussing race issues that their parents. For them, it’s just another day . . .
I think school is a crap shoot; every school has hidden potholes. Until your child experiences the school first hand you just don’t know. My advice is to go with your gut and stay flexible.
Kindergarten has been a big roller coaster ride for our family this year. I’m still vacillating about home schooling next year.
Good luck.
Growing up, I was put on baseball teams where most of the players were Mexican and went to an elementary school that was attended by mostly black and Hispanic students. When I was in the army, I went to Iraq with a company that was 80% black 15% Latino. From a kid to 21 the interaction was the same, I made friends with people I had things in common with. Race was never an issue. I believe kids can benefit from being around different races, cultures, and belief systems.
I went to basic training with a guy who had never seen a black person until he got there. He was nice guy but the media created his idea of black people. When he took the liberty of using offensive language he was shocked from the reaction of some of the black soldiers.
Your daughter won’t have a disposition of these cultures created by the media. She will have first hand experiences at young age and that is extremely valuable.
If it’s a good school, I vote for it. (If you’re taking votes on your child’s future)
I will admit to not having this issue as my kids went to a preschool that was connected to the local University and was rather diverse without choice. I am not sure what I would do in the same position. I will say, though, that children are more resilient and less thought-involved than we adults are for the most part. It might make for a couple, and I truly mean couple, of uncomfortable days but most likely, not many for Dalia.
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It’s one year—go for it.
This is something we’ve been grappling with, too. My husband and I were raised in the whitey-mcwhitister suburbs of Chicago, and specifically want to raise our kids in a much more diverse world than the one we grew up in. We’ve been looking at some wonderfully diverse Kindergartens, but I, too, stopped short of enthusiasm for the school where my daughter would be the only white kid. It’s a tough one. On the one hand, I want my daughter to be post-racial, on the other hand, what happens if her race is constantly pointed out?
Matt–don’t know if I’m with you on the “it’s one year” thing. Not that it’s the end of the world or anything, but it seems to me best not to keep switching schools on a child if it can be avoided. Otherwise you’re putting a little one in three schools in three years (pre-school, pre-k, and k). Is that an unendurable trauma? Certainly not. But far from ideal.
The tiny enclave where we live provides the only racial diversity in our school district. My neighbor’s son is the only black kid in my son’s kindergarten. In a scenario similar to yours, the black families in our neighborhood sent their kids to private schools for many years because they were more diverse! They eventually decided to “block rush” our local elementary. They decided it was okay to be outnumbered, but not the only. Being the only non-black kid in the whole school would seem to place a distracting amount of attention on your daughter. Even one other non-black kid would change things for me.
@theordore I’m not sure moving school from pre-k to kinder is all that unusual. Most kids around here do that.
@Ted: Is that really so bad? I know that between the ages of 3 and 5 I went to at least two schools, and possibly three. And honestly, I have almost no memory of any of them. School for me started in first grade, and that’s what I remember. Do kids really get fucked up by being the only white (or black or Asian) kid at a time when they’re not entirely sure of the difference between red and blue and yellow?
Matt–I’m not reacting to the race aspect of what you said, but rather the transition part. I, too, went to a lot of schools as a kid (at a very young age), and yes, I think it had a negative impact. Is that responsible for my adulthood psychosis and bed-wetting? Only partially. But it isn’t advisable, I think.
ted.
At whyzz.com, the source for kid-friendly answers on how the world works, we’ve partnered with qualified experts (including Multiracial Sky and NutureShock) for talking tips and advice on discussing race with kids ages 4-7:
http://www.whyzz.com/talking-about-race
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Thanks for posting the blog. My son is currently in the exact same situation. The school is a private preschool backed by a internationally culturally diverse church. For me the only thing wrong with the school is the fact my son is missing a white classmate. Why is this a big deal to me? Would I discourage a black parent from bringing their child there if the situation were reversed. The answer is NO. I would assure the parent, we would love and accept little Johnny. Forced out of my comfort zone, I have been…..
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Nathan, so what did you wind up doing? Did you enroll her in the all black class?