DADWAGON

Matt's foreign baby-sitter

See here’s the thing about Matt that most of you don’t know — he’s fucking crazy. And no, I’m not talking about his drinking-with-child proclivities, or the fact when you say to him “Asian Market,” he sees “a romance … a festive, rainbow spirit” and not salmonella. No, I’m talking about the danger he’s willing to put his child in in the hopes of a “Frugal Experience.”

Me, when I travel with my son, I’m thinking, well, who knows what I’m thinking, but I definitely am not thinking: hmm, let me find a cheap babysitter who may have a lengthy history of sex crimes. That’s just Matt.

Here’s from Matt’s latest column in the Times:

Finding a sitter while traveling is difficult enough, but finding an affordable one? It seems nearly impossible. And even if it were easy, frugal travelers might ask themselves, wouldn’t stinting on payment pretty much guarantee that the sitter would be a serial killer? Please. Finding a safe sitter you can afford in a strange land is eminently doable, if you think creatively. (And besides, serial killers seek you out — they don’t wait for you to come to them. Right?)

Fair enough, although doesn’t it worry anyone that Matt so clearly understands the psychology of mass murderers? Family Services, what?

It gets worse, folks. Matt’s solution to avoiding the serial killer baby-sitter is to — wait for it — hire a pedophiliac religious person:

Wherever you’re going, simply contact the local branch of your religion and explain the situation, and they can often put you in touch with someone who can help. Who knows — maybe you’ll even find someone whose sense of faith is strong enough that they’ll do it free?

“Put you in touch?” In touch! Matt, you sick fucking bastard. I’m telling Jean. No more daddy trips for you.