Dads! All that stuff you do because you feel as though it ought to be done? Sense of duty? Spousal supportiveness? Well, don’t even bother. It’s not enough. According to this shady little report (citing “recent research”), men who go to prenatal classes not because they’re enthusiastic about them but out of obligation turn out to be lousy dads.

Well, to be honest, I have no idea which group I fall into. Did I bound into birthing class, clutching my diapering-practice doll and bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet, waiting to hear about the big day to come? Uh, no. Did I slump in on a Sunday, feeling bleary-eyed, with an extra-large cup of coffee, and dutifully take in two hours’ worth of information, helpfully drawn out to ten hours to benefit the slow learners among us? Possibly. Did I find that maybe 10 percent of the class, tops, was fatherhood-related? Maybe. Did I spend a significant portion of my time there throwing odd looks to my wife after that one weird dad kept asking questions about how exactly to cut an umbilical cord? Plausibly.

Fine. Apparently I am going to, as this report phrases it, be a failure at fatherhood. If I’d known, I would’ve ditched my wife for the day, skipped class, and gone to a bar, just so I could fully conform to type.

Note: Extra points to anyone who recognizes the headline reference. Hint: Refers to the nature of sinning.