Isn’t It Nice That Everything Exists?

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That way no one has to go to the trouble of inventing it! (don’t look too deeply into this logic–just let it flow, baby).

Ladies and gentlemen, from the fine folks at Bullet Proof Baby USA, I give you the bullet proof stroller:

Which… a rudimentary Google search just determined is a fucking fake.

Damn you, cruel world. You have foiled me again. And no, I will not explain how I ended up searching on YouTube for a bulletproof baby. That’s personal.

Just to show that I had something to offer, I will leave you with these selections from the Harper’s Index searchable archive:
Price of a bullet-resistant mink coat from Juliana Originals in New York City: $15,000
Price that a Boston-area company charges for My Child’s Pack, a bulletproof backpack: $175
Estimated number it has sold so far this school year: 1,000

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About Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

One thought on “Isn’t It Nice That Everything Exists?”

  1. If I were to list everything that’s wrong with this, someone would have to build a whole new Internet.

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