Pussy.

Oh, Sweden. How you taunt us! Your women, your furniture, your crime novelists, your baby carriers—how can we brännvin-deprived Americans even compete?

Especially with stories like this one floating around. I mean, I knew Swedish men got ridiculous amounts of parental leave, but I figured you dudes spent all those “generously paid” months in a state of pseudo-castration—essentially pretending to be mommies for the sake of the child. But then I read stuff like this:

Sofia Karlsson, a police officer and the wife of Mikael Karlsson, said she found her husband most attractive “when he is in the forest with his rifle over his shoulder and the baby on his back.”

Let’s not even get into the question of whether it’s a good idea to go hunting with an infant [ed. inquiry: possible Tantrum?]. Or the bizarre, unrealistic image of a godless Socialist not only carrying a firearm but blasting wildlife to death with it.

Really, all I want to ask is: Do you have to rub it in? Can’t you just go back to the “Bork bork bork” era when you had bad haircuts, wrecked the world with disco music, and had only one TV channel? Please? As a favor to me?