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A Week on the Wagon: Embowelment Edition

June 25th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Dad + Gadget = Fail

In the annals of history, few exhortations have been as universally stirring to mankind as the words that DadWagon’s own Christopher Bonanos composed yea this very afternoon. After a week in which he said “Meh” to Father’s Day and “mush” to a children’s classic, after throwing in the towel in the millennia-old gender wars, he turned his attention to the most vital of human endeavors—diaper advertising—and raised a sonorous cry to the heavens. Quoth this Greek: “Bring on the brown!”

But once the brown has been brought, what then do we do with the do, dear brothers? Why, we call up Theodore, who declared himself useless except when it comes to cleaning up feces. He was perhaps being a little unfair to himself, as he possesses other skills, such as making fun of that poor schmo Jon Gosselin and finding the sunny side of the divorce battle that has torn his life apart. A talented man, that Mr. Ross.

Nathan, meanwhile, spent the week glued to the television, tearing himself away from a Stanley Cup (right?) match only long enough to tease stormsweeper with the prospect of a Father’s Day handjob, then turning right back to the boob toob in anticipation of some hot gay daddies (on CNN). And then, without a trace of irony, he wondered whether all his gadgetry, Twittery and bloggerizing were distracting him from the business of fatherhood.

While some might criticize this form of LCD OCD, I prefer to think Nathan’s simply following the government’s advice on being a good father, which I recently unearthed (in order to mock). I guess I was in a mocking mood, because I also laughed at my daughter’s cataclysmic tumble on a Chinatown sidewalk (no wonder she pretends not to know me), the almost-sale of a baby at Walmart ($25), and the Taiwanese government’s attempt to convince its citizens to procreate.

The four of us also Tantrumed over some chick’s declaration of the “End of Men,” and although we came to no clear resolution, I think we can all agree that while men haven’t ended, this week has. See you on Monday!


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