It takes more than Brylcreem to please the wife

Q: If you cheated on your wife with another woman, and got her pregnant, and she never told you about it and then gave the baby up for adoption, and then told you about it, how would you react?

A: It doesn’t matter one bit, because the wife (as in, my wife) who’s asking you this hypothetical question after the Season 2 finale of Mad Men isn’t looking for an actual answer. (Which would probably be along the lines of “Huh? What? What the hell am I supposed to do about any of this?”) She just wants you to answer in a way that demonstrates that you possess the human quality of compassion—i.e., that you are not a jerk-ass. Something like “I would be furious—but understanding. And I would do everything in my power to regain custody of the child, then beg your forgiveness for my transgression so that we could raise the baby together. Because I love you.”

(Do I really need to add that I got this question wrong the first time around?)

This has been a DadWagon Special Service Feature™: “We suffer so you don’t have to (much).” Tune in next week when we reveal the answers to mysteries such as “Is it bad that I finished the ice cream?” and “Why didn’t you get more ice cream?”