We know a lot of you have heard the recent news about Parenting Magazine—namely, that its recent newsletter inadvertently included a Full Frontal shot of a Young, Naked Girl—and are concerned that such a catastrophe might befall DadWagon as well.

“Will Christopher mistakenly give us Polaroids of his child’s genitalia?” you are likely asking yourselves. “Will Theodore’s next post accidentally show us his crotchfruit’s crotch?”

We wish to reassure you, our beloved readers. Because you are important to us. And you deserve to know how your news blog is produced. And so I say to you now: We will not accidentally publish photos of naked children.

No, if we do so—if Nathan runs a gallery of toddler butt, if Matt decides to show you all, in high-megapixel detail, just the kind of drunken slattern his Sasha has become—it will be entirely, 100 percent intentional. No interns to blame, no hasty apologies to spam you with. No, we at DadWagon are all about owning our insanity.

Shamelessness: It’s what you’ve come to expect from us, and what we aim to deliver. That, and preteen beaver shots.