• Dadwagon on Facebook
  • Dadwagon on Twitter
  • Dadwagon RSS feed

Bad Dads We Love: Playboy’s Deadbeat Dad

July 29th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Bad Dads We Love  |  1 Comment

deadbeat-dad-pot-logoDid you know Playboy has a blog? Did you care? I mean, the men’s magazine hasn’t been relevant in either the pornographic world or the literary world for at least a decade, so when Hef’s crew launched The Smoking Jacket (recently? a while back? who knows?) no one really noticed.

But yesterday, the blog published “How to Use Your Two-Year-Old Child As a Drug Mule,” by the beautifully pseudonymic Deadbeat Dad, and I, at least, was thrilled. Not because I’m planning to, as the article suggests, hide my stash at the bottom of a canister of formula. No, I’m just happy that there are other dads out there with as warped a view of parenthood as we have here on Dadwagon. (Yes, it’s all about us. Surprised?) And his advice is useful: dump the bong and get a one-hitter; don’t drive stoned; and “Get as high as possible before any recital or school performance.”

More importantly, as he puts it, being a deadbeat dad is a:

state of mind, of suspended adolescence, rather, the inability to recognize the importance and responsibility that fatherhood was supposed to bestow. But it’s really more than that. In today’s child-centric, Baby Mozart universe, where our whole lives have been oriented around the supreme happiness of our little geniuses, being a Deadbeat Dad is a profoundly political act, a protest of the highest order, a statement of fact: “No, actually, I won’t get my act together.”

It’s a tough stance, and not for the faint of heart, as being a Deadbeat Dad is a little like being a bull rider. At some point, that 600-pound bull (no, I’m not calling your wife fat, I’m just making a point) is going to throw you off and gore you with its horns—i.e. words like “marriage counseling” and “trial separation.” See, then you’ve gone too far.

The key is balance, my friend, the ability to dance mid-air, to continue to do what you please without awaking the giant. Over the next few months I’m going to be giving you, dear reader, a road map to Deadbeatness. The how, what and where of being a full-time freak along with being a full-time parent. These are not mutually exclusive things in my world. Along the way, like Fight Club, you may find fellow travelers, but it’s usually a lonely road. Being a Deadbeat Dad is not easy. No one sets out to be the weirdest guy at the school picnic, or tries to take it two or seven steps too far at the Father’s Day barbecue. Hey, we’re just wired that way.

Of course, the best thing about Deadbeat Dad is that when you get tired of his stoner ravings, you can go look at pictures of boobies. They’re just one click away.


Responses

Trackbacks

    An Open Letter to JP Morgan | DADWAGON

Leave a Response

tips/suggestions/grievances

Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!

DadWagon

"When we met my dad at Starbucks he said I couldn’t play with his laptop but I forgot. He also said don’t fool around with his phone but I think I FaceTimed Australia. My dad sighed and published a short piece on Medium about the challenges of raising kids in the digital age."

Alexander and the V Bad, FML Day

newyorker.com

There was quinoa for dinner and I hate quinoa.

Mar 14th 2:07pm • No Comments

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The interrupting toddler.

The interr—

BBC Radio 1

THIS. IS. AMAZING. 😂

When your Dad is live on BBC News but you just can't wait...

(Via Newsbeat)

Mar 10th 4:06pm • No Comments

"They’re both making noise—sometimes a lot. They’re kids, so they do that. It looks like you’re on a date. Are you on a date? He looks like a nice guy."

Why I Sometimes Nix The Sitter And Drag My Kids To Grown-Up Stuff

rodalesorganiclife.com

Really, it’s good for them—and kind of good for everyone else, too.

Jan 25th 11:50pm • No Comments