Bad Dads We Love: Schmucks at the Hospital

Get out of that bed!

Get out of that bed!

Last night the girlfriend and I took a tour of the hospital where she is going to deliver the baby. Rather than bore you with my thoughts about how different it was doing this the second time around, how nervous the other first-time parents seemed, how much of an old pro I felt myself to be, I will instead pass along a little advice from Esquire magazine on how not to behave while your woman is undergoing the most painful experience of her life.

Most of these are fairly obvious: Don’t ask the doctor about the mother’s breasts. That’s rude, folks! Don’t break any vital medical equipment. That’s dangerous for baby and mother! Let the mother have an epidural if she wants one. Do you want a divorce or something?

All in all, it’s fairly amusing, particularly as they get quotes from actual doctors (not ones who slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night). Of course, from the jaded perspective of a biprocreator, I couldn’t be bothered to laugh. You newbies out there will be amused.

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About Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

One thought on “Bad Dads We Love: Schmucks at the Hospital

  1. During the labor class we took (one long Saturday), one dad to be actually fell asleep in the class. A few others were on their phones the entire day like they could care less. It was awesome.

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