An Open Letter to Sasha Grey

August 17th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  4 Comments

Sasha_Grey_2010Dear Ms. Grey,

Let me first say that I have no quibble with your chosen profession. As long as there is pornography, there must be porn stars, and though it is clearly a dirty, dirty job (at least when done properly), someone has to do it. In the eyes and hearts of many people, you are that someone. And as I’ve—ahem—heard from authoritative sources, you do the job quite convincingly well.

And, too, let me hasten to add that your name had nothing to do with the name I gave my daughter, Sasha Raven. You, née Marina Ann Hantzis, apparently chose Sasha because of KMFDM. I chose the name Sasha because it sounds Jewy, but not too Jewy. There are coincidences in this world, and the fact that two people have the name Sasha is one of the less remarkable ones.

But I do wish to make a request. (No, it has nothing to do with your performance in “Anal Cavity Search 6.”) Now that you are embarking on a mainstream acting career, with roles in Stephen Soderbergh films and HBO series, you have a new responsibility—not to fuck up my daughter’s middle-school career. That is, according to both our fine commenter The Holmes and The Hollywood Reporter, you may soon be portraying a character named… Raven, “described as a free spirit who helps one of the men realize that nirvana can only be achieved by death.”

That connection alone—of Sasha to Raven—will likely dog my daughter throughout her school days. And for that, of course, you bear no responsibility. Hey, Hollywood comes calling, and you get the roles you get. The only thing I can ask is that you turn out actually to be a good actress. Play your parts well, show some originality, choose interesting projects—above all, please don’t fail. Because if you fail, then you’re just the nasty porn star who happened to do a movie where your character’s name reminds everyone of my daughter. If you succeed, however, you’re, well, maybe not a role model, exactly, but at least not just a filthy girl who has sex on film for money (and I mean that as a compliment of some kind, I think).

Think of it this way: Be the kind of crossover actress who inspires kids like my Sasha Raven to, in the face of mockery based on the similarity of your names, stand up to the mean girls and … I don’t know. Beat the shit out of them? Zing ’em with outrageous one-liners? Or maybe just shrug her shoulders because the only famous actress named Sasha that anyone knows has a couple of Oscars to her credit and makes otherwise risky indies bankable.


Matt Gross

P.S. Also, please don’t take characters whose names involve the words Jean, Ching-wen, Matt, Benjamin, or Gross. Okay, you can have Gross—but use it well.


  1. Gregor says:

    August 18th, 2010at 12:51 am(#)

    I just stumbled across a great use of gross. From Wikipedia’s sewage treatment article:

    “Bar screens or mesh screens of varying sizes may be used to optimise solids removal. If gross solids are not removed they become entrained in pipes and moving parts of the treatment plant and can cause substantial damage and inefficiency in the process”

    Your solids are powerful. You must teach Sasha that with great power comes great responsibility.

    But seriously, your kid doesn’t stand a chance. Either that or she’ll be a cage fighter.

  2. Matt says:

    August 18th, 2010at 10:25 am(#)

    The Gross Solids is the name of my new band.

  3. KillTill says:

    December 18th, 2010at 10:47 pm(#)

    Dear Sasha Grey’s Daddy,

    I don’t know what you did to make your beautiful little princess into such a filthy, nasty, little fuckpig. I can’t even fathom it. Did you molest her? Did you let other people molest her? Maybe you just ignored her, or maybe you weren’t a slimeball, maybe you just raised her to be COMPLETELY comfortable with sex… I wonder, we’re ya’ll a bunch of dirty hippies full of their own bullshit about “free love”? (I freakin LOVE those parents… “No, baby, you’re not being a whore, you’re not being taken advantage of, you’re not being used as a cum receptacle like a dirty sock… because LOVE should be FREE!! So go suck 30 cocks a night!!!”)

    Whatever it was, THANK YOU!!!!

    I LOVE watching your daughter choke on cock, gagging and drooling the entire time… I love hearing her beg some skeevy guy with an oversized donkey dong, who she’s never even met before, to pound her tight little asshole until she gapes. she crawls and begs so nicely, sweet and submissive, but nasty and horny at the same time… It’s just so obvious that she LOVES being a dirty little whore… I mean she was OFFERED a mainstream career, one that didn’t involve getting filled out like an application, having all her holes stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey, and swallowing gallons of thick, salty cum… Basically allowing herself to be a cum covered high powered fucktoy, for the excitement and amusement of sick degenerates like Me…. SHE TURNED IT DOWN… EVEN KNOWING SHE WOULD HAVE MADE LIKE 10 TIMES MORE MONEY….

    Now THAT’S a whore!!!

    I have so many favorite scenes, where your little princess is just an absolute, nasty little fuckpig, I think this one is My favorite…

    I hope you like it too… I hope when you watch that scene, and look into your daughters eyes, glazed over from lust and god knows what else, her eye makeup running down her pretty cheeks from tears earned from a VISCOUS throat fucking (and maybe just a LITTLE shame) I hope it makes you realize you may be the best father since Joe Jackson!!!

    Savannah D

    PS. Don’t suppose Sasha’s got a little sister? If she does, I hope you’re doing the exact same thing with that one!!! After all, Sasha’s not getting any younger.


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