So I spent part of this morning going through some of JP’s old baby equipment to see how much was salvageable for when the Upcoming arrives. Most of it was in good condition. My only problem was that half of the stuff I couldn’t figure out how to put back together. Yes, I’m sure given some time to focus—as opposed to tinkering over my coffee—I’ll have more success.

What was more interesting to me was the extent to which the earliest days with JP had become a blur. Of course, two years of next-to-no-sleep does tend to narrow what sticks in the brain, but I figured I should remember enough to be able to put the car-seat straps back together. Alas.

It reminds me that parenting, particularly in the beginning, is so much work that you rarely have an opportunity to pull back and think about it. What memories I do have are of always doing rather than pulling back and considering. Maybe this makes me a less-than-perfect parent, and of course, I did consider lots of things: sleep training pros and cons, daycare, how to feed, when to feed, and millions of other things. I mean more that I didn’t often think: Isn’t this a great moment? Isn’t this a drag? I was too busy adapting to whatever new thing JP was becoming that day/week/month/second to think about those sorts of things. When I did have time and could look up from the routines, I was always amazed at the changes around me. I was always saying things like: “This is a good age,” or “I can’t believe he’s doing that now,” or “Holy Christ, kid, take that out of your mouth!”

Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, but I’m looking forward to that sort of thing.