On Wanting It to Be Worse

August 30th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  3 Comments

A bit of news came home from school last week: “The kids were exposed to a coxsackie virus.” What that is (I learned) is almost anything, from a mild flulike bug to something that causes nasty sores. Whatever: He seemed fine, didn’t show any symptoms, and (once we confirmed that last week’s biter was not the infectious kid) we half-forgot about it.

Then the vomiting began.

A couple of little spitups, and then, when my wife was comforting him in a big hug, a whopper. She was absolutely covered, shoulders to knees. I dived into the linen closet for towels, and we attempted to scrub down the poor little thing (the vomiter, not the vomitee). Eventually my wife went off to the shower, we attempted to hose off our kid in the tub, we checked with our pediatrician, and we put him to bed on a very thick blanket, in hopes that it would catch any last expulsions. It was dramatic, I’ll tell you that. It was also, mercifully for him, over within a few hours. He managed to sleep a more or less full night, and next morning, he was fine, and even ate a normal-ish breakfast. No symptoms since then.

But it was not, as I was going around saying, “projectile vomiting.” That is something that (apparently) requires more than yakking a couple of gallons of stuff all over your mother with a certain amount of force. No, “projectile” means just that–as one Website put it, “it will arc over the end of the crib.” As impressive as this was, it wasn’t that.

I did come out of this, however, noticing that I like deploying terminology like “projectile vomiting.” It gives an incident heft, importance. If it’s projectile, it is Schwarzeneggerian in its violence and faintly military direction. If it’s just throwing up, it’s just stinky and annoying and generally troubling. No fun at all. Not even eighteen months old, and we’ve already got him on a performance track–and he is, or we are, already falling short. Sigh.


Responses

  1. TorontoDad says:

    August 30th, 2010at 5:09 pm(#)

    Hey! We’re co-coxsacki baptised!

    Our son is just finishing his up now. But let me warn ya, the puking is just the start. This bugger takes a week to ten days to run its course. Fortunately, that big puke, I know what you mean by “not projectile” just BIG, was the only occurance. However, it was only the beginning; followed by mouth sores, really high fevers, limpness, listfulness and moaning. I’m glad it’s nearly over.

    Good luck over there.

  2. Stefan says:

    August 30th, 2010at 8:47 pm(#)

    Gotta start somewhere!

  3. Didactic Pirate says:

    August 30th, 2010at 9:19 pm(#)

    You’re not a parent until you’ve been covered in vomit, right?

Leave a Response

tips/suggestions/grievances

Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!

DadWagon

But no daycare.

Apple's New Campus Has Cutting-Edge Features That Will Amaze You | Architectural Digest

architecturaldigest.com

Steve Jobs's final vision has been realized, and it's in the form of a bold 175-acre, Foster + Partners–designed campus

May 17th 4:21pm • No Comments

On the one hand, this is a cute project. On the other, he named his daughter Madison, which is just awful.

Dad Creates Book For Daughter Who 'Didn't Want To Be Chinese'

huffingtonpost.com

His daughter doesn't have any Asian storybook heroes, so he's creating some.

May 16th 2:50pm • No Comments

Time to teach the kids how to start a fire in the Weber.

The New York Times Makes a Print Play for Kids

wwd.com

Sunday’s New York Times will include a special print section for kids.

May 11th 12:08pm • No Comments