Ladies and Gentlemen, I Give You: Divorce!

divorce_lawSweet Jesus, it’s done (mostly)! Yes, folks, Nathan wasn’t the only one experiencing the joys and depredations of the American judicial system of late. I, too, passed a day in a courtroom yesterday, putting some of the final touches on my divorce settlement. The less said about the experience the better, other than to note Otto von Bismarck’s saying, “People who love sausage and people who believe in justice should never watch either of them being made,” which is both accurate and makes me hungry (I had a light breakfast).

Either way, the deal is done, signed, sealed, and allocuted (pending about 100 different court filings, which will be completed in a couple of months). Now don’t take this the wrong way–I love being free of JP’s mother, and I’m sure she feels the same way, although given the fact that we’re co-parenting JP and we live three blocks from each other, “free” is a relative term.

My one minor disappointment was that I really enjoyed telling people that my girlfriend was pregnant… and that I was still married. What else do I have to prove I’m a badass? Guess I’ll have to get that tattoo.

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About Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

3 thoughts on “Ladies and Gentlemen, I Give You: Divorce!

  1. This is seriously good news, not least for those of us who lost you in the black hole of court days. As for your street cred, you might wanna steer clear of tattoos. After all, you have to be pretty psyched this divorce process didn’t include trying to erase a tattoo of your ex-wife’s name (as it would for me, for example).

  2. Oh yeah, this sounds familiar… well, aside from the pregnant girlfriend (mine was a cut away from being a member of the Pussycat Dolls). I did get the tattoos though–three of them, and a couple piercings too (we’ll skip the geographical details on that last one).

  3. Pingback: A Week on the Wagon: Milestones Edition | DADWAGON

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