The End Is Nigh

October 5th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  2 Comments

newborn-head-molding

Less than a month and counting until the Second Coming (a.k.a., my precious daughter, Ellie). I’m no amateur at this point, and thus, I haven’t neglected my prep work: sleeping in, watching movies, catching up on television and movies, and obsessive shopping.

But there’s really no way to get ready, is there? Forget all the good stuff—the love, the joy, the gurgling and the giggling, the twinkling and gamboling and goo-goo-ing, and the like. I’m talking about enduring another two years of limited sleep, god only knows how long with the diapers, the screaming, the nap terrorism, cradle cap, booger suction, blender food, tooth drama, milk drama, mama drama, mommy groups, pampers, tummy time, meltdowns, eruptive poop, liquid poop, snack politics (to PBJ or not?), daycare confrontations, nanny ethics, the laws of the playground, gender facts, developmental milestones, educational opportunities—in short, your basic, all purpose, red-blooded, patriotic American domestic malaise.

Ah, I feel better now. Someone pass me a designer diaper. I’m ready to roll.


Responses

  1. Tim says:

    October 5th, 2010at 12:27 pm(#)

    Excellent, excellent refresher graphic. It’s the only piece of even slightly relevant ‘advice’ I will attempt to give to any first-time expecting parent:

    The head. If the child’s mother is delivering vaginally, there is a good chance that the child will come out looking like she is wearing one of those elongated time-trial cycling helmets, only it’s not a helmet, but her entire head. I hadn’t heard about this, and I seriously almost fainted when my first child was born after 3.5 hours of skull-crushing pushing.

    Good luck!

Trackbacks

    How JP Didn't Get His Name | DADWAGON

Leave a Response

tips/suggestions/grievances

Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!

DadWagon

But no daycare.

Apple's New Campus Has Cutting-Edge Features That Will Amaze You | Architectural Digest

architecturaldigest.com

Steve Jobs's final vision has been realized, and it's in the form of a bold 175-acre, Foster + Partners–designed campus

May 17th 4:21pm • No Comments

On the one hand, this is a cute project. On the other, he named his daughter Madison, which is just awful.

Dad Creates Book For Daughter Who 'Didn't Want To Be Chinese'

huffingtonpost.com

His daughter doesn't have any Asian storybook heroes, so he's creating some.

May 16th 2:50pm • No Comments

Time to teach the kids how to start a fire in the Weber.

The New York Times Makes a Print Play for Kids

wwd.com

Sunday’s New York Times will include a special print section for kids.

May 11th 12:08pm • No Comments