• Dadwagon on Facebook
  • Dadwagon on Twitter
  • Dadwagon RSS feed


October 29th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized

The offices of the Awl

The offices of the Awl

For those of you who haven’t heard of Choire Sicha (or, like me, have no fucking idea how to pronounce his name), wake up suckers–he’s Big Media and you’re not.

Worse yet, do you know that he wants to poison your children this Halloween!

Don’t believe me? Think it’s wrong to accuse a perfect stranger (FULL DISCLOSURE: we’re facebook friends, and he once incorrectly identified me as Ted rather than Theodore in an interview he ran on theawl.com, but I’ve never met him) of child-murder?

If it’s wrong, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t want to be right. He’s the one who ran an article earlier this week at The Awl entitled, succinctly enough: “This Is My Year To Finally Poison Some Children.”

What should I take from that? That seems a fairly explicit note of intent, wouldn’t you say?

The police ought to have an entire department devoted to reading headlines such as these, and, if I might steal a line from Mr. Sicha’s post: “strike!” (exclamation point added by me)

Now, now, now, later in the post, Sicha does seem to imply that he’s kidding:

Of course, I’m not interested in killing anyone’s children with poison. I mean, tops, I was sort of thinking just a mild tummy ache. Or! I could make some fake Skittles, that have the reverse flavor-to-color ratio. Like, you eat a yellow one, but it tastes blue.

Or maybe, maybe I could make candy mangoes, and tell the kids they’re candy apples, and then when they eat them, BAM. Surprise mango taste!

You know, just like when you think you’re about to drink milk, but it’s orange juice, and you’re all confused.

Killing them, sheesh! That’s… really mean.

Does he think all of us “straight people” (his term) are saps, boobs, morons, naive to the point of idiocy? Perhaps we are. Perhaps we are. But all I know is that some guy says he wants to poison my little boy I’m taking him at face value, even, as Mr. Sicha asserts, he doesn’t have their death in mind, but a far worse fate: he wants them to work at a DMV.

This is a very bad man.

Leave a Response


Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!



The Right Way to Swear in Front of Your Kids


Context, context, context.

Sep 19th 2:33pm • No Comments

I don't care. EAT IT ANYWAY, KID!

‘Five Second Rule’ for Food on Floor Is Untrue, Study Finds


Researchers concluded that no matter how fast you pick up food that falls on the floor, you will pick up bacteria with it.

Sep 19th 11:38am • No Comments


Why Danish Parents Like to Talk About Death


It's because it makes for happier kids, says new book.

Aug 11th 8:19am • No Comments

Not sure whether to be proud or pissed we didn't make this list.

The Awl

The definitive ranking of dads.

Aug 3rd 5:39pm • No Comments