• Dadwagon on Facebook
  • Dadwagon on Twitter
  • Dadwagon RSS feed

Alert: THIS IS CHOIRE SICHA’S YEAR TO FINALLY POISON SOME CHILDREN!

October 29th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized

The offices of the Awl

The offices of the Awl

For those of you who haven’t heard of Choire Sicha (or, like me, have no fucking idea how to pronounce his name), wake up suckers–he’s Big Media and you’re not.

Worse yet, do you know that he wants to poison your children this Halloween!

Don’t believe me? Think it’s wrong to accuse a perfect stranger (FULL DISCLOSURE: we’re facebook friends, and he once incorrectly identified me as Ted rather than Theodore in an interview he ran on theawl.com, but I’ve never met him) of child-murder?

If it’s wrong, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t want to be right. He’s the one who ran an article earlier this week at The Awl entitled, succinctly enough: “This Is My Year To Finally Poison Some Children.”

What should I take from that? That seems a fairly explicit note of intent, wouldn’t you say?

The police ought to have an entire department devoted to reading headlines such as these, and, if I might steal a line from Mr. Sicha’s post: “strike!” (exclamation point added by me)

Now, now, now, later in the post, Sicha does seem to imply that he’s kidding:

Of course, I’m not interested in killing anyone’s children with poison. I mean, tops, I was sort of thinking just a mild tummy ache. Or! I could make some fake Skittles, that have the reverse flavor-to-color ratio. Like, you eat a yellow one, but it tastes blue.

Or maybe, maybe I could make candy mangoes, and tell the kids they’re candy apples, and then when they eat them, BAM. Surprise mango taste!

You know, just like when you think you’re about to drink milk, but it’s orange juice, and you’re all confused.

Killing them, sheesh! That’s… really mean.

Does he think all of us “straight people” (his term) are saps, boobs, morons, naive to the point of idiocy? Perhaps we are. Perhaps we are. But all I know is that some guy says he wants to poison my little boy I’m taking him at face value, even, as Mr. Sicha asserts, he doesn’t have their death in mind, but a far worse fate: he wants them to work at a DMV.

This is a very bad man.


Leave a Response

tips/suggestions/grievances

Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!

DadWagon

"When we met my dad at Starbucks he said I couldn’t play with his laptop but I forgot. He also said don’t fool around with his phone but I think I FaceTimed Australia. My dad sighed and published a short piece on Medium about the challenges of raising kids in the digital age."

Alexander and the V Bad, FML Day

newyorker.com

There was quinoa for dinner and I hate quinoa.

Mar 14th 2:07pm • No Comments

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The interrupting toddler.

The interr—

BBC Radio 1

THIS. IS. AMAZING. 😂

When your Dad is live on BBC News but you just can't wait...

(Via Newsbeat)

Mar 10th 4:06pm • No Comments

"They’re both making noise—sometimes a lot. They’re kids, so they do that. It looks like you’re on a date. Are you on a date? He looks like a nice guy."

Why I Sometimes Nix The Sitter And Drag My Kids To Grown-Up Stuff

rodalesorganiclife.com

Really, it’s good for them—and kind of good for everyone else, too.

Jan 25th 11:50pm • No Comments