• Dadwagon on Facebook
  • Dadwagon on Twitter
  • Dadwagon RSS feed

Why Did I Have a Child? Part Deux

November 16th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  2 Comments

The perfect child

The perfect child

I’d like to offer my perspective on Matt’s rendering of the Ultimate Parenting Question—Why Did I Have A Child? (translation: holy shit, how did I get myself into this mess?)—first, by ignoring the question. Everyone knows why people have children: to have someone to lie to!

I mean, the whoppers I tell JP!

JP: Daddy, why is the sky blue?
Me: To keep the cows from jumping over the moon.
JP: …?
Me: You’re too young to understand these weighty matters, son. Besides, you’re not really my son. We found you by the side of the road after the circus passed through.
JP: (weeping) Really?
Me: You betcha!

Now that’s humor, folks! I can’t wait until Ellie is old enough to start in on her. As for the other part of Matt’s post: the free labor—I agree, this is a good deal. JP is old enough that he can now bus his own dinner dishes, throw things out in the garbage, help me prepare dinner, find me things I need when I’ve forgotten them, assist with furniture assembly and auto repair (that boy sure can hold a screwdriver until I need it), and from time to time, even grab me something from the refrigerator without breaking it.

Of course, JP is now old enough to have heard of a funny little thing called “money,” which he has been demanding in exchange for these services. Sure, it’s quarter, penny, nickel now (depending on the task), but shit, what’s next? College tuition? Healthcare? Food?

Kids today.


  1. dadwagon says:

    November 16th, 2010at 7:44 pm(#)

    Keep JP away from my kids. They’ve never heard of money. Of course, they only do chores for candy. Expensive candy. So maybe it’d be better if I hook them on that cheap-ass Gelt. Scratch that, then. Have JP come over and talk to them about money-that-is-also-candy. –Nathan


    Yellow Fever and White Blood Disease | DADWAGON

Leave a Response


Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!


Do you show this to your kids?

AP Images

An unnamed gunman gestures after shooting the Russian Ambassador to Turkey, Andrei Karlov, at a photo gallery in Ankara, Turkey, Monday, Dec. 19, 2016. Turkish police shot and killed the gunman, Turkish station NTV reported. Russia's ambassador to Turkey has died after being shot in Ankara, according to Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman. #APPhoto by Burhan Ozbilici

Story developing: http://apne.ws/2hRY0rH

Dec 19th, 2016 7:32pm • No Comments

"They watch their mothers and fathers overdose and die on the bathroom floor. They live without electricity, food or heat when their parents can’t pay the bills. They stop going to school, and learn to steal and forage to meet their basic needs."

The Children of the Opioid Crisis


Left behind by addict parents, tens of thousands of youngsters flood the nation’s foster-care system; grandparents become moms and dads again

Dec 16th, 2016 2:11pm • No Comments

Don't forget the gift receipt(s)!

A Gift for Every Type of Dad (That You Can Buy on Amazon)


Including cricket-flour protein bars, ice-cold beer chillers, and an air fryer that uses hardly any oil.

Dec 9th, 2016 3:27pm • No Comments

As Ryu Spaeth pointed out, the only thing worse than "Papa" is the pronunciation "paPA." PERISH THE THOUGHT.


“I just think ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ are very Saved by the Bell-ish,” said Will Grose, 36, a Brooklyn father of three boys under the age of 5.

Nov 30th, 2016 5:20pm • 1 Comment