YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG!!! AGAIN!!!

December 2nd, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  2 Comments

You fucking idiot. You goddamn retard. You hapless, helpless, gormless, irresponsible parent. Oh, don’t give me that “But I didn’t want my infant to die of SIDS!” crap. Don’t give me those “But there wasn’t any research on this yet!” excuses. You—you who put your child to sleep on its… its back! Who denied it valuable—nay, priceless—tummy time. As a result your child can’t turn its stupid head—at least, according to this story on Slate:

[Doctors showed that] babies who spent nights on their bellies quickly developed the brain connections and muscle strength to turn their heads from side to side—one of the first motor-skill hurdles. Babies who consistently slept on their backs, on the other hand, were less likely to have sufficient head mobility at 3 to 5 months.

In other words, by putting your baby to sleep on its back so that it won’t suddenly just up and die, you are delaying one of its most significant milestones. (No word on how the SIDS-killed babies fared on the milestones, incidentally.) Oh my god, and this could’ve been prevented? By, as the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends, “supervised tummy time when a baby is awake”? The horror, the horror! You monster.


Responses

  1. MAtt says:

    December 3rd, 2010at 8:06 am(#)

    About time this news came out. My new son will sleep in a slowly rotating tube.

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