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Not Home for the Holidays

December 21st, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  4 Comments

I told myself I would stay away from making another contribution to the “JP is off with his mother for vacation” genre. I’ve covered it fairly extensively over time, both here and here. Such is the nature of divorce, it isn’t going to change, and besides, I’ll have my time with JP soon enough and it will be his mother’s turn to be blue.

That said, things will be slightly different this time, and every time from now on, as JP has a sister, Ellie, who lives with me full time. It’s impossible to predict what impact having my children only spend half of their time with each other will have on their relationship. It could be good, a way to mitigate sibling rivalries before they get going. Could be bad, too, though, as perhaps they won’t have the proper chance to bond without the weight of shared experiences. Not that I could do anything about it either way, but it’s something I think about regularly.

I’d be curious to hear from any of our readers with similar experiences. Any word from the divided/blended family contingent of DadWagon’s regulars?


Responses

  1. Josh says:

    December 22nd, 2010at 1:36 am(#)

    Not that I’m a regular, and still being married to the mom of my kids, this is not from a dad perspective, but my sister and I went to separate parents in separate cities when I was 13 and she was 10. Haven’t lived together since. In our mid-30s today and I feel very close to her. We don’t spend that much time together (we live 1000 miles apart now), but we always just “click” when we see each other.

    Your kids are younger (right?), but in the grand scheme of things, I think it’s low on the list of stuff to worry about. As the common wisdom holds, just keep telling the kids you love them and don’t let the burdens or the mechanics of the divorce fall on their shoulders.

  2. Marlena says:

    December 22nd, 2010at 10:17 am(#)

    In this wacky day and age, I have two half siblings, both of whom are much younger. My sister-from-another-mister is 14 years younger, and when I left for college and never moved home again, she was 4. My brother-from-another-mother is 2. Yes, two, and I’ve seen him like 6 times in his life.

    That said, both of my siblings will/have lived with two non-divorced parents their entire lives. My sister did benefit from always being with my mom in that they are super close, but I’m also more self-sufficient, confident and able to make decisions on my own. Yes, she’s still young, but there is a marked difference with her at 19 and when I was 19 – others know that, too.

    Who knows how my brother will be – he’s too young, with a dad who has finally sown his oats and a completely different upbringing in a conservative town.

    A long way to echo what Josh is saying, kind of. There’s a lot to worry about, but for JP this will be normal, and as long as both parents love him, he’s winning. I think by virtue of you even caring, he’s way ahead of the game. Keep us posted!

  3. dadwagon says:

    December 22nd, 2010at 1:23 pm(#)

    #Josh and #Marlena–no, it ain’t world peace that’s for sure, but I always have these thoughts around vacation time. Thanks for sharing, and we’ll see how it all turns out. –Theodore.

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