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No Thank You (cards)!

December 23rd, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  2 Comments


I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count all the kiddie birthday parties I’ve been to of late, but suffice it to say, the con artists at the Norwegian-organic-brain-toy store up the block will be eating steak this New Year, on me.

As I go to these parties I’ve begun to notice a disturbing trend:

Thank you cards. From the birthday boy. Clearly written by said child’s mother. Who has clearly lost her freaking mind.

Why in the world would you send a thank you note for a child’s birthday party? To whom are you teaching manners? Not your kid. If it was your kid, then I’d see his four-year-old scrawl on that little bit of Hallmark-ian frippery you’ve mailed to me. Not my kid, either–because he can’t read, and has no way to understand what a thank you card could be, other than a veiled insult directed at his father, who begins cursing each time he sees one.

There is no need to thank my child for a ten buck gift for your child that my child didn’t choose and which my child angrily demanded not to give to your child in the car on the way to your child’s party because my child wanted to keep it for himself and couldn’t understand why it couldn’t be his birthday today and not your child’s.

No need whatsoever. Now cease and desist. Immediately.


  1. karen says:

    December 27th, 2010at 3:50 pm(#)

    This. Is right up there with the parents — I mean tooth faeiries — changing the rule of a buck or two under the pillow for each lost tooth. A present too?! REALLY?! I mean, REALLY?!!?

    thank you. ahem.

  2. DonaldTrump says:

    January 13th, 2011at 9:01 am(#)

    Hey, don’t stress, troglodytes!

    Thank you NOTES used to be the way of the world before YOU came along. It was a way of letting people know that their efforts were appreciated.

    I agree, sending them as if it were being written from one child to the other seems to be trite. But I imagine the card was written by another troglodyte. Back when we all didn’t SEE or HEAR uneducated people, they were all housewives or manual labor grunts. They HAD to work 16-hour days or more, because they weren’t very smart.

    NOW though, they get on reality TV, run unsuccessfully for political office, heck – up until 2008 – we actually HAD an uneducated person for President!

    You may object that I am making gross assumptions regarding the intelligence of some people. This may be true. But all I have to go on is the pinhead who goes to parties that neither he, nor his kid want to go to, and someone else who is trying to use the correct word “fairies”, but instead, uses “faeiries”, a word which does not exist in the dictionary.

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