Teeth, teeth, teeth—teeth are on my mind these days. On Wednesday I went to the dentist and was told to, duh, floss more often. Which is fine: At least my teeth are generally in good shape. Unlike Jean’s—last year she maxed out her dental plan, a result of wisdom-teeth removal and the generally poor shape of her chompers. Not that she’s some scaggly-toothed Brit or non-brushing garbage-dweller; her teeth, for whatever reason, probably genetic, just aren’t that great.

Now that Sasha has turned 2, it’s time to get her to the dentist—again. Eagle-eyed Dadwagon readers will remember that last February, Sasha chipped one of her front teeth and was tended to by a dentist, prompting me to worry she’d inherited Jean’s dental DNA (or, through me, my father’s). Still, I thought, Sasha at least had the protection of a fluoridated water supply to keep her mouth healthy. Whoops!

Fluoride in drinking water should be reduced because the additive is damaging childrens’ teeth, the U.S. government recommended today.

So wrote Bloomberg News today. Which, well, fuck. What the hell are we supposed to do now? I mean, New York City apparently fluoridates its water at the low levels the CDC recommends, and city councilman Peter Vallone is trying to get rid of all fluoridation (“This amounts to forced medication by the government,” he said), but the whole situation just frustrates me. What next: carrots make you go blind, milk weakens your bones, kids who eat Wheaties tend to lose? Maybe it all really was a communist plot! To, uh, do what now? Thinking about this makes my teeth hurt.