• Dadwagon on Facebook
  • Dadwagon on Twitter
  • Dadwagon RSS feed

Do Babies Suck? Yeah, Kinda.

January 12th, 2011  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  1 Comment

From the Gloss:

Think of all the things that make people really cool, like playing guitar, or breakdancing, or skateboarding. Babies can’t do any of that. What are babies good at? You might say to me, “Turning into an adult?” And I’d reply, “Thank you for engaging in this conversation, Imaginary Friend, but unfortunately you are a dumb asshole. ‘Turning into an adult,’ why, that takes forever. I could be good at fucking anything if it was all I had to focus on for 18 fucking years.” So I ask again, what are babies good at? They run around with their dicks out, they have weird, undeveloped little bodies, they all look like what would happen if Winston Churchill started melting. Then, of course, they present legitimate problems, such as overpopulation, deforestation, global warming, and refusing to skateboard even when I put them on the board.

You know, she’s kind of right.


  1. Jimmy says:

    January 13th, 2011at 9:15 am(#)

    She does have something here. Babies eat, sleep, and poo. That’s not very useful at all.

Leave a Response


Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!


"When we met my dad at Starbucks he said I couldn’t play with his laptop but I forgot. He also said don’t fool around with his phone but I think I FaceTimed Australia. My dad sighed and published a short piece on Medium about the challenges of raising kids in the digital age."

Alexander and the V Bad, FML Day


There was quinoa for dinner and I hate quinoa.

Mar 14th 2:07pm • No Comments

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The interrupting toddler.

The interr—

BBC Radio 1


When your Dad is live on BBC News but you just can't wait...

(Via Newsbeat)

Mar 10th 4:06pm • No Comments

"They’re both making noise—sometimes a lot. They’re kids, so they do that. It looks like you’re on a date. Are you on a date? He looks like a nice guy."

Why I Sometimes Nix The Sitter And Drag My Kids To Grown-Up Stuff


Really, it’s good for them—and kind of good for everyone else, too.

Jan 25th 11:50pm • No Comments