Do Babies Suck? Yeah, Kinda.

January 12th, 2011  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  1 Comment

From the Gloss:

Think of all the things that make people really cool, like playing guitar, or breakdancing, or skateboarding. Babies can’t do any of that. What are babies good at? You might say to me, “Turning into an adult?” And I’d reply, “Thank you for engaging in this conversation, Imaginary Friend, but unfortunately you are a dumb asshole. ‘Turning into an adult,’ why, that takes forever. I could be good at fucking anything if it was all I had to focus on for 18 fucking years.” So I ask again, what are babies good at? They run around with their dicks out, they have weird, undeveloped little bodies, they all look like what would happen if Winston Churchill started melting. Then, of course, they present legitimate problems, such as overpopulation, deforestation, global warming, and refusing to skateboard even when I put them on the board.

You know, she’s kind of right.


  1. Jimmy says:

    January 13th, 2011at 9:15 am(#)

    She does have something here. Babies eat, sleep, and poo. That’s not very useful at all.

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