One of the potential upsides and drawbacks of my new career as an impending homeless person is that I am now available/able/required to spend more time with my little baby, Ellie. Tomoko still has another month or so of maternity leave, but she is, sad to say, entitled to perhaps just a moment or two of alone time now that I don’t have to be to work each day.

In this light, Tomoko is stealing a few hours in the middle of the day today to venture out into the world. Her goal, laudable if painful for me personally, is try to remember what it was like when she was an actual human and not a milking machine.

Which means it’s just me and Ellie. Alone. In the house. With nothing to do. I keep reminding myself that such moments are among the joys of parenting, the true precious moments, an opportunity to bond, to love, to share…blech.

Let’s get this out in the open: little babies aren’t all that much fun. What do they do? How can they entertain me? Can they discuss the finer things in life (without drooling?) Can they fix me snacks? Can they crack a joke, crack open a beer, crack wise, uh, walk the dog?

Some of them, in fact, most of them, seem to want it the other way around. They want me to do things for them. Feeding, if they get hungry, which they often do; changing of dirty undergarments (which you think they’d look after themselves); entertaining–what’s with the shaking of rattles thing? I’d rather just watch SportsCenter and scratch myself; and then, if I’m lucky, really, really, lucky–they get to go to sleep.

Who comes out ahead in this deal? Not this guy.

Which is why I’ve already reached out to a couple of homebound friends to see if I can lure them to my place to entertain me. I’ve done this, mind you, under totally false premises (“It’s been a while. Let’s catch up. How are you?”)

I’m sure they won’t mind if they discover my ulterior motives (one of them is Matt; think he reads this blog?). Hell, both of them have children that they are stuck with on a miserable, frozen, snowy, nasty, slushy day.

A thought occurs to me, if they say yes, and come by, is it only to have me entertain them?

An economy of needs–nice.