Don’t know how many of you visited DadWagon this past Friday, but if not, I’d like to direct your attention to Matt’s most recent post, An Important Announcement About Our New Corporate Overlords. (Yes, it says it’s by “dadwagon,” but Matt’s prints are all over it. Plus, I was sitting in the room while he wrote it.)

Pretty funny stuff, eh? Chinese companies taking over DadWagon! DadWagon worth actual money! Ha!

And yet, for the careful reader, there was a slight note of discord that one might recognize. Namely, my death: “Theodore, meanwhile, has been executed and his family sent a bill for the hatchet bullet(s).”

Cute, Matt, real cute. Here’s the thing you folks out there might not know: Matt is a total asshole. I know, I know, his persona doesn’t really come across that way, but it’s true—complete jerk. Don’t believe me? Look at this recent photo:

Note the glee, the sheer joy at his daughter’s displeasure. Now the awful truth—he’d just stolen her lollipop! Yes. He’s smiling, she’s crying, and if you’ll look closely, notice his purple tongue!

And now he wants to kill me. Call me paranoid.