• Dadwagon on Facebook
  • Dadwagon on Twitter
  • Dadwagon RSS feed

My Daughter, the Borg

July 1st, 2011  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized

Go to bed, young lady!

A week or two ago, Sasha would not go to bed. For most 2.5-year-olds, this would be pretty normal. But Sasha had always actually been pretty compliant. Sure, she’d fight us on brushing her teeth and insist on being read five different books (including an Elmo coloring book with no discernable story), but eventually she’d assent to being put in her bed, tucked in, and kissed goodnight.

Now, though, she was fighting absolutely everything, from the toothbrushing to the pj’s to the overnight diaper to the final tucking-in. Even if everything else went well, she’d wind up in tears, on the floor, when it came time to actually get into bed. This would go on for 30 minutes sometimes.

Then I had an idea: lie down together. We’d turn off the lights, I’d put her in bed, then lie down next to her. Easy—and Sasha loved it! Even if she wasn’t actually asleep when I sneaked away five minutes later, she wouldn’t complain.

Well, no longer. “Lie down together” no longer works. She knows that game. In fact, she’s figured out every game, strategy, and attack Jean and I have managed to come up with over the last couple of years. She is the Borg—the semi-robotic Star Trek: TNG enemy that would succumb to, and then adapt to and overcome, each new weapon devised by the Federation. (The Borg were also totally awesome.)

Resistance is futile, the Borg liked to say, and I often feel the same way when faced with Sasha’s intransigence. Fine, let her stay up. I don’t care! But no, of course I can’t do that. Kid’s gotta go to sleep. And I know that this battle of wills is destined to make me a better, more creative parent: What will I come up with next?

No, seriously, what next? I’m actually feeling kind of tapped out at the moment. What new trick can I try? Is there a searchable database of “go the fuck to sleep” strategies I can hit up? Cuz “Go the Fuck to Sleep” most certainly does not work.

Leave a Response


Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!


Do you show this to your kids?

AP Images

An unnamed gunman gestures after shooting the Russian Ambassador to Turkey, Andrei Karlov, at a photo gallery in Ankara, Turkey, Monday, Dec. 19, 2016. Turkish police shot and killed the gunman, Turkish station NTV reported. Russia's ambassador to Turkey has died after being shot in Ankara, according to Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman. #APPhoto by Burhan Ozbilici

Story developing: http://apne.ws/2hRY0rH

Dec 19th, 2016 7:32pm • No Comments

"They watch their mothers and fathers overdose and die on the bathroom floor. They live without electricity, food or heat when their parents can’t pay the bills. They stop going to school, and learn to steal and forage to meet their basic needs."

The Children of the Opioid Crisis


Left behind by addict parents, tens of thousands of youngsters flood the nation’s foster-care system; grandparents become moms and dads again

Dec 16th, 2016 2:11pm • No Comments

Don't forget the gift receipt(s)!

A Gift for Every Type of Dad (That You Can Buy on Amazon)


Including cricket-flour protein bars, ice-cold beer chillers, and an air fryer that uses hardly any oil.

Dec 9th, 2016 3:27pm • No Comments

As Ryu Spaeth pointed out, the only thing worse than "Papa" is the pronunciation "paPA." PERISH THE THOUGHT.


“I just think ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ are very Saved by the Bell-ish,” said Will Grose, 36, a Brooklyn father of three boys under the age of 5.

Nov 30th, 2016 5:20pm • 1 Comment