The Destruction, AKA, My Third Child

I’ve spent this week at home, knitting my bones and brain. I am starting to feel relatively like myself, at least a very tired version of said jackass. To those who responded to the earlier post, my father thanks you. He also suggested we hire him full time. Fortunately, as an editor as well as a writer, I have become adept at telling people no. Keep your day job, dad. (I’m such a stinker.)

Which leaves me only with my current news: in the race to be the dominant father here at DadWagon, it looks like I can expect to win. I’m having another one, ladies and germs, a baby, that is, a girl to specific, to be delivered by my lovely and (clearly) fertile wife.

What does this mean, other than the fact that I have consigned myself to a life of grinding poverty? It means three kids, which is, to put it mildly, a butt load more than I ever planned on having. It means a lot more than that, I expect, but panicked pleasure and depression is all I have on offer presently.

More to follow, assuming no more motorized vehicles attempt to strike me dead.

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About Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

9 thoughts on “The Destruction, AKA, My Third Child

  1. Congratulations, Theodore. Third one is the charm. (Although you are now officially outnumbered)

  2. Woot! ‘Bout time somebody got with the new millenium. Three is the new two (or it was, about 5 years ago) so welcome to the club.

  3. herding cats, that’s what someone told us when they had their third and we still only had 2 but were plotting our outnumbering …

  4. Mazel tov! You and Matt with the newbies, that is so very cool! It sounds almost contractual – are DadWagon writers obligated to “get pregnant” at the same time? Think of the webcontent! 🙂

  5. Well, now that we’ve started doing sponsored posts, we figured we’d take up some offers to sponsor our kids. Mine’s going to be called Apple Linksys Gross. What about yours, Ted?

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