DADWAGON

Enter the Wagon (pun intended)

A Week on the Wagon. Such a phrase! Seems particularly close to my own life this week, as I’ve been sick since last weekend and haven’t been able to indulge in my normal pastimes, which along with binge drinking, include domestic violence, crocheting, and bestiality animal husbandry.

As such, I’ve had more time (and sobriety) to focus on the efforts of my esteemed colleagues here at DadWagon. I have a few thoughts, listed below.

Christopher. Please remember that there is something inherently wimpy manly about posting to a freaking Daddy blog. As the authors and editors of this blog, we have had to surrender our penises to the proper authorities. In that light, a post on a recount in People’s Sexiest Dad vote flat out ain’t helping. Admitting in your Tantrum post on bringing children to bars that you live in a testosterone-charged, frat-boy neighborhood did up the butch-quotient a bit. Not wanting your baby to hang with these righteous dudes dropped it once again.

Matt. There is a difference between taking your daughter to San Francisco for a reporting trip (minus the wife) and actually being a single parent. Your Tantrum, in which you decided to refute a stupid Times article by takeing it seriously (babysitters are expensive, what does family friendly mean, etc.), was equally muddled. Matt, I’d like to introduce you to someone–name is the INTERNET. Reasonable and rational is decidedly not the point.

Nathan. Slow down, bro. Forty-five posts per week only draws attention to your status as a non-earner, as you so shamelessly chronicled in your post on affluent ladies. And trying to butter me up with posts on the wonderful rudeness of New Yorkers , and your inability to properly feed your child don’t make you seem more like a normal guy. The stuff on why Curious George reminds you of Werner Herzog (with videographic evidence!) and actual reportage on gay rights, well, I like that, but frankly, your excessive posting is making us all look bad. If I wanted to work hard, I wouldn’t have become a writer. As for your Tantrum, I’m going to refer you to my comments to Christopher: real men don’t say cock.

As for me, well, granted I’m biased, but I think I really played to my strengths this week, with posts on the sex-rights of Aryans in my Tantrum, the kiddie-sports-Hitler nexus, and a hearty joke leveled at the august institution that actually pays me to work. Kudos to me for a job well done.

For those readers out there who think this analysis of Wagon might be in jest, a round of in-jokes for my good friends and co-workers–think again. I’ve never met Nathan, Matt owes  me money, and Chris actually smacked me last time we had lunch.

Have a nice weekend.