• Dadwagon on Facebook
  • Dadwagon on Twitter
  • Dadwagon RSS feed

How Not to Be a Man: Ikea Edition

September 30th, 2010  |  by  |  Published in Uncategorized  |  5 Comments

jfa0648l

In response to Matt’s post from earlier today about how he has accepted his masculine shortcomings and let the hired help fix things for him, I would just like to say: I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!!!

I moved about two weeks ago, which has required what I consider an excessive amount of time in an Ikea buying shit furniture that I am responsible for putting together. This, to quote a blatantly incompetent colleague of my girlfriend’s, is not among my “core competencies.”

But Matt, dear all-thumbs Matt, I soldier on. With tiny allen wrenches, and hammer bruises on my thumbs, and drawers that don’t quite glide, and shelves with holes that you hardly even notice in the right light.

Am I ready for plumbing? You betcha! Am I ready to actually accomplish plumbing? Hell no! I’ll tell you that one fellow who’s convinced I’m a bona fide construction master, by the way, is JP, who most definitely knows no better—and that’s the way I’m keeping him: ignorant and worshipful.

Last. One of the dressers I put together has to have one of the shelves taken apart and redone. My girlfriend, for reasons that apparently are endemic to her gender, has been walking around the house with a smug grin on her face. Seems at some point in my recent construction phase I made a comment about maybe trying to build something other than Ikea furniture (I said a bench), and her reaction this morning: “And you wanted to build a house.”


Responses

  1. Didactic Pirate says:

    September 30th, 2010at 2:56 pm(#)

    We moved recently too — from a house we owned to a house we now rent. The best part? I’m not the guy in charge of fixing stuff anymore. Which is good because it’s been pointed out to me that I’m not so much awesome with the fixing of stuff.

    I salute you, Sir.

  2. Steve says:

    September 30th, 2010at 3:04 pm(#)

    Godmorgan is Swedish for godammit….

  3. beta dad says:

    September 30th, 2010at 4:04 pm(#)

    I’ve never had any problem putting together Ikea stuff. Of course I have a contractor’s license and 20+ years of carpentry experience. However, last night I had to give up on installing the magnetic child-safety latches on the kitchen cabinets. That I had built from scratch. In the house that I built.

    Don’t give up. Home projects are a good way to teach your kids to curse.

    Lastly, every time someone says “Ikea” on the internet, I’m duty bound to plug this video, by my semi-famous brother-in-law, who is also the godfather to my daughter. He’s the guy with no shirt on, humping the furniture.

    http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/ikea_song/

  4. beta dad says:

    September 30th, 2010at 4:30 pm(#)

    Hmm…my comment did not post.

    The important part was that everyone should watch this video by my semi-famous bro-in-law, who is also the godfather of my daughter. He’s the shirtless one humping the furniture.

    http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/ikea_song/

Trackbacks

    Ikea: Norwegian for Shoot Me Already! | DADWAGON

Leave a Response

tips/suggestions/grievances

Recent Comments

  • Dee: As one of the impressed moms there last night, and also because my kid ate 3 bowls of that bolognese, thanks for...
  • Drew Wallner via Facebook: I’m totally making this when we get back from holiday travel, I even just got a...
  • Matt: Whoops! Just put that back in. The recipe editor has been fired.
  • Ed Lilly: Looks great – thanks for posting! One question – you did not specify putting the meat back into...
  • Maks: I’m against baby yoga for sure, but want to say something regarding that author is a little wild about...

DadWagon Reads!

DadWagon

Do you show this to your kids?

AP Images

An unnamed gunman gestures after shooting the Russian Ambassador to Turkey, Andrei Karlov, at a photo gallery in Ankara, Turkey, Monday, Dec. 19, 2016. Turkish police shot and killed the gunman, Turkish station NTV reported. Russia's ambassador to Turkey has died after being shot in Ankara, according to Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman. #APPhoto by Burhan Ozbilici

Story developing: http://apne.ws/2hRY0rH

Dec 19th, 2016 7:32pm • No Comments

"They watch their mothers and fathers overdose and die on the bathroom floor. They live without electricity, food or heat when their parents can’t pay the bills. They stop going to school, and learn to steal and forage to meet their basic needs."

The Children of the Opioid Crisis

wsj.com

Left behind by addict parents, tens of thousands of youngsters flood the nation’s foster-care system; grandparents become moms and dads again

Dec 16th, 2016 2:11pm • No Comments

Don't forget the gift receipt(s)!

A Gift for Every Type of Dad (That You Can Buy on Amazon)

nymag.com

Including cricket-flour protein bars, ice-cold beer chillers, and an air fryer that uses hardly any oil.

Dec 9th, 2016 3:27pm • No Comments

As Ryu Spaeth pointed out, the only thing worse than "Papa" is the pronunciation "paPA." PERISH THE THOUGHT.

DadWagon

“I just think ‘dad’ and ‘mom’ are very Saved by the Bell-ish,” said Will Grose, 36, a Brooklyn father of three boys under the age of 5.

Nov 30th, 2016 5:20pm • 1 Comment