DADWAGON

A week of notice me, please on Dadwagon, and why not? Summer has reached a boil, school is out, the children are running amok in the street–don’t we all have to raise our voices to be heard over the din?

First, there was our Tantrum for the week, on whether or not it’s okay for parents to argue in front of their children. My response was to yell at my computer screen, “OF COURSE IT IS! EVERYONE YELLS IN FRONT OF THEIR KIDS! I’M YELLING RIGHT NOW AND MY SON IS WATCHING IN HORROR! AND THAT’S FANTASTIC!” Nathan agreed, so long as the parents doing the yelling expected to get divorced. Otherwise THEY SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND SUBLIMATE THEIR RAGE WITH ALL CAPITAL LETTER TYPING. Matt agreed in theory, although because his childhood and life are perfect, he couldn’t really comment. I called bullshit on him, and he responded with pleasant confusion, which he is CURRENTLY SUBLIMATING BY TEXTING IN ALL-CAPS. Christopher, for his part, also claimed to live in idyllic bliss with his significant other, but vowed to instruct his child in how to bang on tables, under the proper circumstances, and when said banging is effective.

What else? Nathan sounded off about his son’s explosive shitting, as well as his own linen-thievery. Then he ran off to the playground to get drunk while his kids went swimming while unsupervised.

Matt promoted someone as committed to exploiting his child profit as he is, sounded the alarm bell on naked girls, and alerted the reading public to Playboy‘s blog, which he came across while reading the articles. Prior to this moment, I made not one single joke in response to that post because I’M GETTING MY ANGER UNDER CONTROL. Except when it came to schmucks in a hospital. They upset me.

Christopher was largely AWOL this week, except for a post which, if I’m reading it right, seemed to be saying that kindergarten is a waste of time, despite scientific evidence to the contrary (Note: I’m not reading it right).

Well, that’s about all, folks. Hope we didn’t hurt your ears. See you next week.