DADWAGON

Normally, we here at Dadwagon HQ don’t give a shit what you think. Just keep reading and clicking, reading and clicking, and we’ll all stay happy while the nickels roll in.

But sometime this week we realized there were no nickels rolling in. WTF?!? Dadwagon scientists devised elaborate, potentially universe-ending experiments to find out why; then they quit when they realized we couldn’t afford to pay them. Clearly, drastic measures were in order.

First, we brought in a ringer—the honorable Alex Smith, who agreed to be paid in “For promotional use only” CDs in exchange for giving us his thoughts on garbage for dinner, pop songs promoting substandard parenting, and life in the crotch of NYU.

When that didn’t work, we bent over and took it from the Xbox Kinect Joy, which threw fistfulls of rupees at Theodore as he waxed nostalgic over train and car rides with his kids.

When that also still didn— Oh, wait, that worked. But still, we wanted to make this site more, you know, engaging. More sticky. More “OMG, I have to click on this and this and this and then check back in later to see if/how other people clicked too!” And so we solicited your opinion.

When Nathan wondered whether he should have a third child, he put it to a vote. When we worried we’d lost your trust by selling out, we asked you if, uh, we’d sold out. When we wondered whether to keep or abort our fetus, we asked for your input. (Wait, that wasn’t us?) Alex asked you (if implicitly) why children’s music makes him homicidal. And when we couldn’t think of anything better to post, we invited you to speculate as to why.

Actually, Theodore didn’t poll a damn thing this week. When he was thinking of quitting his job, he made up his own damn mind. When he wondered about why he’d had kids, he didn’t care to hear your opinions. And when he faced the prospect of a grandmother bearing videogame gifts for the kiddies, he didn’t ask you if it was a good or bad idea. Because he doesn’t care.

We don’t particularly care whether you have a good weekend or a bad one, so make it a good one. And tune back in Monday to see how we’re fucking up Thanksgiving for our families. Till then, let us know: